>sometimes controversial essays that have been the signature end piece
>of 60 Minutes for decades:
>1. Rooney on Monica.>Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only
>yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and
>2. Rooney on Vegetarians.
>Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."
>3. Rooney on Prisoners.>Did you know that it costs $40,000 a year to house each prisoner? Jeez,
>for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my
>house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I
>don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think
>they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate
>electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair
>that's hooked up to the generator.
>4. Rooney on Fabric Softeners.>My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for.
>Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their
>breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives
>mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get
>that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.
>5. Rooney on morning differences.>Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in
>the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the
>women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?"
>It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
|I love it! Number 5 seems true at any time of the day though.|
So, is #5 supposed to be a BAD THING
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