Need some advice
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| If it were me, Id be nice...cool, but nice...not snotty cool, but "taken" cool...and if he gives you the heebie jeebies...play it even cooler...just dont be mean...he may just be insecure AND friendly...remember, everyone should be treated with kindness.... |
| That sounds tough and awkward. I agree you need to be careful how you handle it so you both can work together without bad feelings. Can you describe what specifically he is doing that makes you uncomfortable? Is there anyone at work who is friends with both of you? |
Darcy wrote: If it were me, Id be nice...cool, but nice...not snotty cool, but "taken" cool...and if he gives you the heebie jeebies...play it even cooler...just dont be mean...he may just be insecure AND friendly...remember, everyone should be treated with kindness.... Ok so basically just continue what I'm doing now. Valerie wrote: That sounds tough and awkward. I agree you need to be careful how you handle it so you both can work together without bad feelings. Can you describe what specifically he is doing that makes you uncomfortable? Is there anyone at work who is friends with both of you?
Ok the first came when I was the only female coworker (not a boss) who got something from him on Valentine's Day. Then came when he invited himself along on a trip with my grandparents (Yes I work for my Grandparents  ) Then when we got back he offered to drive me home when I live just down the street from my grandparents. (I'd rather not talk to them about it. It's really not a HUGE problem-yet) And I'm not sure the inviting-himself-along had anything to do with me. It just was really weird. |
| did you let him drive you home???? |
| Any chance that he is trying to kiss up to the grandparents by being nice to you? As for driving you home, a simple "no thanks! I like to walk" ought to be enough (you may need to repeat it). Work on cheerful ways of saying no. One key to saying no effectively is to never give a reason that would give him something to negotiate about. For example, if he asks you out, don't say "no I"m busy tonight" or "no, I prefer to keep work and personal separate" -- those give him something to debate. Just say "no thanks" and then change the subject. |
Darcy wrote: did you let him drive you home???? NO  . Sorry that that didn't come across in my post.Valerie wrote: Any chance that he is trying to kiss up to the grandparents by being nice to you? As for driving you home, a simple "no thanks! I like to walk" ought to be enough (you may need to repeat it). Work on cheerful ways of saying no. One key to saying no effectively is to never give a reason that would give him something to negotiate about. For example, if he asks you out, don't say "no I"m busy tonight" or "no, I prefer to keep work and personal separate" -- those give him something to debate. Just say "no thanks" and then change the subject.
Actually the kissing up thing is why I'm sooo unsure if it has anything to do with me. It just makes me uncomfortable... Thanks for the advice given so far!! It's helping a lot and if anyone else wants to chime in feel free |
| You need to have a talk with this guy before it goes any further. He must be made aware that you feel uncomforable around him and why. Even if he tells you he wants to be just friends he shouldn't be allowed to make you feel that way. Just be honest with him (easier said than done), if you did misunderstand at least you'll know that. Sexual harrasement comes in many forms. Good luck, I hope it gets resolved soon. |
| I agree with Darcy -- just play it cool. Act nonchalant & unphased and try not to think about it for a week or two and then see how you feel. What is his age compared to yours? |
Valerie wrote: I agree with Darcy -- just play it cool. Act nonchalant & unphased and try not to think about it for a week or two and then see how you feel. What is his age compared to yours?
I'm not really sure how old he is. My guess is mid to late 30's. |
| Ok, tell the guy you want him to stop being such a pane, or you'll jamb your foot in his argon and your knee in his low-e.
Then just sashay away. |
Are those window terminology jokes?  |
| [hanging head in shame] yes.... |
Ron wrote: Ok, tell the guy you want him to stop being such a pane, or you'll jamb your foot in his argon and your knee in his low-e.
Then just sashay away.   |
| I had the same problem a few years ago.....I agree with Darcy that is about all you can do at this point but, if you need a "rent-a-husband" (that is what we call Quinton) you can use him!
A few of my girlfriends have used him as the "new boyfriend", where he shows up "to say hi" as soon as most men see my "inmate" they back off!  Let me know!!!! 
.......he is also great to rent for work around the house....poor guy does that too for my friends.......  |
| I would suggest you continue to politely decline or ignore his various offers of kindness. If he has any brains he will get the message; if not it may simply be a daily proceedure to characterize your behavior with him. Some people are just to simple to get the message. |
| Is he married? Was his Valentine's gift to you something 'special' or just a box of chocolates from the drug store? How does he interact with his other coworkers? Is he awkward with them? Can he just be a socially awkward person? Had you been working with him a while and then this behavior started or was it from the get go? Sorry for all the questions...just trying to figure out this guy. |
| Oh boy! I've had a few situations like this. The red flag for me is that you are the only one he gave a gift to on Valentine's Day gift. What I'd suggest is to still be pleasant for a little while longer. When he comes by, say "hi" but look away and make yourself busy with something else and discontinue the conversation. Hopefully, he'll get the hint; however, some men are a little slow on the uptake. He is likely observing you to see if he can determine if you like him too. If you are getting real uncomfortable and it's really disturbing, let him know before you discuss it with anyone else at the company that is his superior. As that will create all sorts of other problems. He may just be misunderstanding your cues. You want to try to keep this from escalating any further.
When I was around your age, I worked part-time at a switchboard. I enjoyed the attention of this one guy at first, but then it escalated into some very inappropriate & dirty comments. I enjoyed the initial flirting, but this was too much. I told him as such several times and it didn't stop so I didn't feel that I had a choice as I was so uncomfortable. That is when I went to the HR rep, he was reprimanded and actually apologized to me. He no longer came by anymore, thank goodness. |
barney1 wrote: Is he married? Was his Valentine's gift to you something 'special' or just a box of chocolates from the drug store? How does he interact with his other coworkers? Is he awkward with them? Can he just be a socially awkward person? Had you been working with him a while and then this behavior started or was it from the get go? Sorry for all the questions...just trying to figure out this guy. Not married. It was just a flower so nothing 'special'. He is not socially akward as he jokes and laughs with other people. He just pays particular attention to me. Perhaps it is just because I'm related to the boss...? It didn't start with the valentine that was just the thing that made me think it was something different than being really nice. Today I said hi when he said it to me but then tried to look busy and didn't encourage further conversation. rebecca wrote: I had the same problem a few years ago.....I agree with Darcy that is about all you can do at this point but, if you need a "rent-a-husband" (that is what we call Quinton) you can use him!
As to the invent a boyfriend thing- I write on my lunch break (trying to write a book... ) And everyday another coworker asks "Writin' love letters to your boyfriend?" Finally, I stopped saying no (cause she asks anyway) Well he heard the exchange and me not saying 'no'. So maybe that will do something? |
| Hmmm, I always try to think of the innocence in things...I'm always like, maybe it was because of this, and everyone else is like, NO, it's because of that.
Playing devil's advocate...if you were attracted to him (like if he was closer to your age and looked like Brad Pitt), would the attention bother you as much? I agree pretty much with everyone else. It sounds like what you said, either a crush on you, or your relation to the bosses. I think you should keep on being aloof as much as possible--not rude, just distant. I would say, though, if he gets any more agressive or continues to bother you, to either (if you feel comfortable) say something to him (he might not realize he's creepy) or say something to your grandparents (or whoever handles HR issues). Your safety and comfort is important, too, and you don't want to have to continue in this way just to make sure this other guy doesn't get fired... |
barney1 wrote: Hmmm, I always try to think of the innocence in things...I'm always like, maybe it was because of this, and everyone else is like, NO, it's because of that.
Playing devil's advocate...if you were attracted to him (like if he was closer to your age and looked like Brad Pitt), would the attention bother you as much? Is it awful that I would be giddy as a school girl for getting flowers from a guy I found attractive (and was my age)? Although it isn't because I don't find him attractive that it makes me uncomfortable. It's just a feeling I get when he's around. |
Ok So I probably should have updated this situation sooner but oh well . Apparently, this guy acts this way with all the women and then when he gets rejected/new girl shows up he moves on (though, I have a feeling it might not work so tidy for me  ). Unfortunatly, he remains creepy.
And he made his move today. He asked me out for drinks and pool with some buddies. What fun! (I'm being really sarcastic-for those who don't know me ) You better believe I said no (it took 5 nos before it sunk in though) but the thing is he asked my grandmother before he asked me!!! Unfortunately she didn't just say NO way in hell!! but rather let me handle it (knowing I would say no).
It takes guts to go after the boss's granddaughter .
Now it gets to be awkward at work |
| Wow - good luck with the situation. Hopefully he'll get it after your reply~?! |
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