Sir McCartney (MAC)

Once again I find myself posting. In 2005 I had lost my first OES Nana-Martha. Now once again I've lost my beautiful handsome boy "Mac". He just had his 13th birthday on January 21st. Friday January 25th I had to put him to sleep because his hips and back legs just weren't working right anymore. He no longer stood up straight, and when he went out I would have to support his knees when he peed. He was raised around a girl dog so he never really got the hang of lifting his leg. He couldn't squat anymore so he had accidents in the house. He couldn't stand up on his own, he couldn't support himself and push himself up and when he tried he would poop. He always felt guilty when he did it and I told him it was alright. I tried several different medications but because of his age and him sleeping all the time and getting fussy with his food and not being that active anymore I just couldn't put him through any more medication. He was already on pheno for his seizures he started getting when he was 6. His Dr. said we can try this we can try that, it may get him an extra 3 weeks or 3 months and then when that fails we can try something else. I just couldn't put him through that only to wind up having to do the inevitable anyway. I have such guilt and my heart hurts. I can't stop crying.
I've lost a lot of dogs but Mac was special, everyone loved him, he was a gentle dog, he followed me wherever I went, he always greeted me when I got home. Should I have kept trying other things? I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life and I basically killed him, let him down, I wasn't there for him. It was just another trip to the vet but he didn't know he wasn't returning home. I'm sick to my stomach and my heart aches. He WAS my heart and I don't even want to go on without him. I always whispered in his ear that I loved him at least 100 times a day. I also told him don't ever get sick and leave me because we can leave this earth together. I'm so glad he made it to 13. My first sheepdog had to be put down at 12 1/2 so when Mac hit 12 I was trying to start preparing myself. I had a big dinner party for him with my family. My kids brought him presents I made him his special doggy peanut butter/carrot cake. I miss him terrible. I can't handle the pain, I feel lost and alone and so guilty that I wasn't there for him.
I got him from Barb Turvold in March of 2006, he was 2 months old I thought I could try and find her just to tell her that Mac (she named him Marvin when he was born) had passed. i wanted to know if any of Mac's siblings were still alive but I can't seem to find her anymore. She must have stopped breeding sheepdogs.
I did find a phone # on the web but don't even know if it's right and if she even lives there anymore or if she's even alive.
All I know is this heart ache and guilt I'm feeling is going to last forever. I've lost alot of dogs but as I said before Mac was a beautiful loving dog, my boy. I really don't care if I die now because I can't live without him.
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
Mac sounded like a wonderful dog.

It's NEVER easy.
I am so sorry and the feeling of guilt is not easy to overcome.
So very sorry to hear about your sad news. Think most of us has had to go through the guilt of that last trip to the vet-I can still remember it clearly and we have another sheepy since then, our 7yr old Sprocket. Big hugs. xx
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope things will get easier for you.
So sorry for your loss. They leave a big hole in our hearts.
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