I've been a good doggy mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my
dogs on demand, visited the Vet's office more than my own doctor, spend
more on their shampoos and conditioners than I do for myself, and most ofthe time they are groomed better than I am. I was hoping you could spreadmy list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter 0ith my a black marker pen on the back of a dog food receipt in the
laundry room between cycles of dog bedding, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the near future with puppies coming and dog shows on the horizon.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any colour, except
purple,which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the
breeze; but are strong enough to put my struggling dog into the tub for a
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere eating dog show food
and at least three show outfits and some jeans that will zip all the way
up without the use of power tools.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like nose-print resistant
windows, floors that clean themselves, and a refrigerator with a secret
compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to eat my own snacks
without having to share with a pack of barking maniacs.
On the practical side, I could use a battery operated dog that is always
stacked perfectly and moves to perfection on my command to boost my
showing confidence, along with at least two bitches who don't bump each
other to start a fight.
I could also use a recording of The Dog Whisperer chanting "Don't pee in
the living room" and "Get off of her, she is not in heat" because my
voice seems to be just out of my dog's hearing range and can only be
heard by the next door neighbours who are at least an acre away.
If it's too late to find any of these things, I'd settle for enough time
to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container at a dog show.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten
the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare a doggy lock
down session? It will clear my conscience immensely when I look at those miserable little faces.
It would be helpful if you could coerce my husband and children to help
around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family because afterall, this is for MY Dogs!
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and some of my dogs saw
my feet under the laundry room door. They think I am eating dinner in
here again and they are missing out on leftovers.
Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and
look down so that you don't step into an "accident".
I would have left cookies, but between the dogs and the cat, there is no
chance that anything other than drool will be left on the plate. I left
you a Hot Toddy to warm you from the cold, but after a day like this, I
drank it myself.
that is soooo funny!!!!!!!
Oh, good grief! Some of that rang so true! Thanks for the great laughs!!!!
|That's hilarious!! You should send it to a newspaper!
I hope Santa brings you everything on your list because it is so obvious that you are a devoted doggy mom!
Too many similar wishes here too.
|ahh - I always love that one|
|I laughed out loud, and I don't even show dogs!!!|
|thanks for the laugh, loved it|
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