THE ALTERNATIVE BREED STANDARD FOR THE OES
GENERAL APPEARANCE. Not too fussy about appearance. Perfectly happy to be covered in mud after a good walk in the country. Not too fussed about bringing home an aroma from something rolled in either. Quite prepared to stand and allow owner to wash off dirt and understands the importance of getting dry by getting rid of excess water with a good shake.. Usually when standing beside owner. CHARACTERISTICS Agile, dependable and dedicated to the cause. Ability to mimic certain house hold items. Sofas, beds and rugs being the favourites. Has never lost its ability to hunt for food and shows all these characteristics to demonstrate the fact. He is also imbibed with a sense of humour. Loves to play dumb when being asked to show off his latest trick. Much to the embaressment of the owner. TEMPERAMENT Very intelligent and kind natured. Not agressive or shy. Uses these qualities to great effect when conning food from people or when they have done something that will warrant a good telling off. SKULL Houses a computer-like brain. Solves problems in split seconds, can switch from one application to another in a nano second and has plenty excess capacity for personal projects. EYES The eyes can see a crumb under a chair at the opposite end of an unlit room. Can also be used to great effect in making owner feel like a proper heel, when you haven't appreciated their latest escapade. NECK Strong and powerful enough to drag anything attatched to a collar and lead. Small children, however, find that the OES neck makes a great teddy substitute. EARS More effective than radar. When used in conjunction with the eyes, absolutely nothing is missed. An OES's ear can detect a sweet being un-wraped in a person's pocket three rooms away with every door closed. Can also be switched on and off at will. NOSE Unbelievably effective. No limit to the distance food can be detected. Can also detect foul smelling objects and substances, in which to roll, up to three fields away. Can cause acute embarrassment when shoved into the crotch of visitors. Used to great effect to awaken owners, when placed carefully under bed clothes. MOUTH The OES comes pre-programmed to pick things up in its mouth and walk away with them. It will need re-programming to bring them back. New models.. called puppies.. come fitted with a set of needles (called milk teeth). No chair or table leg is safe, particularly with ones left on their own, both furniture and puppies. Fortunately these needles are replaced with a permanent set of teeth which allow the OES to be more discrening about what he chews. FOREQUARTERS The part of the dog seen just before it launches itself to show how pleased it is to see you. As opposed to the rear end you see sticking out from under the coffee table, when the OES is on a food hunt. BODY Very solid construction gives the OES great strength. Can easily dislodge large objects which have foolishly been left in its path. Also very efficient at bringing down standing human objects, especially when clattering into the back of legs. FEET The feet of the OES are trunk like and solid. They are also inlayed with extra strong floor grippers, used extensively when being moved in the direction of the bath. I loved this and wanted to share it with you. LOL Clipper and Fernie |
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that's great! I'm realizing more and more how true all of that is. 
do you have a source to where you got it from? |
| Sorry, I can't give you a site that has these little pearls of wisdom. LOL I just get sent stuff like this from cyber friends. They all know that items of this nature, give me a good giggle, so my inbox is full of them. I sometimes save and reuse them as I did here, if they aren't too rude. LOL
But please feel free to copy and use them yourself. Clipper |
Too cute  |
Oh look at the beautiful tail on your avatar! Wow! Beautiful! I wish we didn't bob in the U.S.  |
| If Lennon and Sofa weren't bobbed, our home insurance premiums would go waaaay up... |
| Too cute! I can't wait until I get to put all of these to the test- watch out chair legs!
Karen |
| Glad you all enjoyed this. Thanks for all the lovely things you have said about my avatar. Just need to watch out, Fernie is getting a bit big headed at all this adulation. LOL
Clipper & Fernie |
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