Nana-Martha

I'm so glad I found this forum. 3 weeks ago I had to put my beautiful Old English Sheepdog 'Nana-Martha' to sleep. She had liquid in her lungs. I have been so upset for these past weeks and can't stop crying. I feel so very guilty of what I did to my poor baby. I dedicated a site to her to try and get me through this. I got her when she was 6 months old, she was 12 1/2 years old when she passed. I held her head the whole time. I'm just so depressed and guilty. I want another OES desperately but don't think I can until I stop crying every day. I've been hunting everywhere for one in Illinois and can't seem to find anyone that breeds them anymore. I found Nana-Martha while driving down Route 45 going south one day. There was a huge sign that said Old English Sheepdog puppies for sale. It had to be passed 95th street for anyone familiar with the area. That place is long gone and I've struct a big 0 trying to find another breeder. If anyone knows of a breeder anywhere around the Chicago area, I'm in a suburb 10 miles west of downtown. Please let me know. Also I would love for you to visit my dedication page:
http://www.mcrtnyfan.com/nana.html
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Hi Jamie,

No matter how long our beloved furbabies live we always wish for more time. I viewed all the photos and what a beautiful girl your Nana Martha was! My favorite is the one of her on New Years wearing a hat with a bottle of champagne between her paws. Those of her as a pup are so adorable! In some photos she resembled my beloved Shaggy, who like your Nana Martha passed away within the last year. My heart was broken for a long time and I still miss her, as you no doubt miss your Nana.

If you check out this site there is one posted by Ron whom created this forum in honor of his much loved Jake, it's called when is enough, enough? If you scroll down it's halfway down this forum. You'll find many on here share in your grief and have experienced it too and know how you feel. Words of comfort never seem enough but know that we support you here and feel your loss.

For me, I had the opportunity to become mom to Panda a rescue that desperately needed a home. It helped get over the grief and while he was not a replacement, I took solice that with Shaggy's passing I was able to help another.

It sounds like the pup you choose would have big paws to fill as Nana Martha seemed like an incredible dog. My heart goes out to you.

Ironically my boyfriend this year purchased a photograph of the Beatles with Martha and the words inscribed. This is in honor of Nana Martha.

Martha my dear though I spend my days in conversation
Please
Remember me Martha my love
Don't forget me Martha my dear

Hold your head up you silly girl look what you've done
When you find yourself in the thick of it
Help yourself to a bit of what is all around you
Silly girl

Take a good look around you
Take a good look you're bound to see
That you and me were meant to be for each other
Silly girl

Hold your hand out you silly girl see what you've done
When you find yourself in the thick of it
Help yourself to a bit of what is all around you
Silly girl

Martha my dear you have always been my inspiration
Please
Be good to me Martha my love
Don't forget me Martha my dear.
__________________

May Shaggy and Nana Martha be playing together over the rainbow bridge.

Hugs to you and your family

Marianne and the boys
Jamie - my heart goes out to you. I know the pain. And that big empty feeling in the house. Funny how quick we get accustomed to our velcro boys and girls.

The site you created is beautiful. Nana-Martha seemed like a very sweet oes. I especially like the pics of her with Oddball and Kisses. The pack.

<<hugs>>
Hi Jamie-
Our thought and prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing
the pictures of Nana Martha. She was beautiful and her personality
shines in the photos..

We lost our first sheepdog in 1988 due to cancer. To take him to the
vet that last time was the most difficult experience for us.
We felt our only compassionate choice was to let him transition
with dignity and without suffering...
We felt mixed emotions for quite a while. It takes time to heal.
Then we could celebrate what a wonderful 12 years we had with him.
His spirit still lives in our hearts....

Best wishes on finding a puppy when you are ready...
give yourself the time needed to heal.
I am sure there are others, but these are off the top of my head:

Lambluv is in Chicago

Shaggylamb's is in Northern MI near Saginaw

Barkshire is up in the Neenah/Menasha, WI area
Jamie,

I lost my beloved 7yr old Bailey 6 weeks ago. And it still is painful. and I am crying as I write this. I quickley discovered I am the type of person who needs a sheepie in her life and I have 8 week old Lulu sleeping at my feet right now. I don't miss Bailey any less and I still cry and mourn for her, but now I have a little bundle of joy to give my love to.

I started looking a week after I lost Bailey, I know that sounds fast but, I know it can take along time to find a litter from a reputable breeder. I just found one sooner than later, and I am sooo glad I did. What everyone says is true, take whatever time you need, a little, alot whatever is best for you!

If you are interested in traveling, i spoke with a few breeders in WI(I am from MN). I can give you info in a personal message. or another great resource is the OES club of america's referral service, check out there web site.

There is nothing to say that will make the pain any less, but know that that the wonderful people of this forum understand and care!

Take Care,
Heidi
Jamie,

I know the exact pain and guilt you are feeling! I had to help my 12 1/2 year old OES, Brittney, over the Bridge in October. I just kept holding her and telling her how sorry I was. My Vet was very comforting and told me not to feel guilty - that I did everything in my power to care for Brittney and this was helping her. I was so grateful to be with her when she went - and I was able to tell her how much I loved her. I still cry (alot!) but it does get easier.

It takes some time - but you will realize that you did what was best for her and I know she is so grateful for that! You cared for her and loved her every day of her life and helped her in the end. Please don't feel guilty! There's nothing to feel guilty about. It's so hard to let them go - but it's harder on us than it is on them.

Nana Martha will be with you forever and will continue to watch over you! I'm sure Brittney met her at the Bridge and they are young again!

When you are ready to bring another OES into your life - they will not be a replacement for Nana - there is plenty of room in our hearts for another one!

Please be sure to contact Breeder Referral for the OESCA (or AKC) for reputable breeders in your area. You need to give yourself the best chance of having a healthy, happy puppy to spend a long life with you.

www.oldenglishsheepdogclubofamerica.org

My heart goes out to you! Please feel free to email me or PM me if you need to talk about anything!

Kristen
Thank you all so very much. Your kind words help and knowing that I'm not the only one that feels this way, well I don't feel so alone. I've called a support group today and someone called me back tonight. She was very caring and understanding. There is a meeting next Wednesday and I will probably go to that.

I've had 7 dogs in my life but Nana-Martha was special. When I was little those were really my mom's dogs, you know what I mean. When my dad died when I was 11 we had to move out of Chicago into my uncles apartment building because my mom wasn't able to afford high school tuition. She had to get rid of our German Shepherd "Acie" because my uncle did not want dogs in the building, which seemed strange to me because when I was little he owned 2 Dobermans. When we were finally able to move out of there, my mom bought a house and I finally was able to get a puppy, unfortunately the poor thing got distemper and I had to put him to sleep, then a friend of my mom's that she works with came to our doorway one day with this wonderful dog which looked like a sheepdog but it was a cockapoo. He was 2 years old and his name was Noodles. I had to watch him die, that was awful, he was with us for 9 years, then my husband got our son a puppy for his 1st birthday. I had to watch her die also 11 years later, which brings me to my Nana-Martha. I got her when she was 6 weeks old, so she was really my first dog from puppy to adult. I better stop cuz I'm starting to cry again. But thank you all so very much for everything.
Dear Jaime:

My heart is breaking for you. I had to go thru the same thing three weeks ago with our Katy. We had only had her 2-1/2 years old and
we knew when we rescued her that she was somewhere between 10-12 years of age, but we were still not prepared to lose her.

I thought I knew what a broken heart felt like - but I didn't. We have another OES, Bubba, who has been with us for nine years. I thought the tears would never stop - even emptying the vacuum cleaner bag would set me off. I, too, felt an overwhelming need for another OES. I knew it would not be Katy - that it would be a totally different dog. In the beginning, it even felt disloyal to Katy to even consider it so soon. But, I came to the conclusion that it was a tribute to her and all the joy she brought in our life.

I know the guilt you feel about your decision. We knew there was no hope and that we had to do it but we felt so totally powerless in the situation. Luckily, we had a wonderful vet, who guided us through the decision.

Two days ago, we welcomed Nikki into our life. A six year old rescue OES. I still, of course, miss Katy and most probably always will wish that I could have done more for her. But the joy that Nikki has brought to me has been so great. Many would say it was too quick that we should have mourned longer - but we knew the time was right. You will know when the time is right for you.

My first reaction after Katy's death was that I never wanted to ever feel that way again - but then I remembered the joy that she brought to us and realized that I could have missed the pain, but then I would have missed all the wonderful days that we had together. We considered a puppy but decided on a rescue instead. Not sure who rescued who - now I feel like we rescued each other - me from my sadness and him from his previous life.

My thoughts are with you -

Linda
NikkisMom
Welcome to the forum, I'm so sorry for your loss.... Nana-Martha sounds like she was a wonderful friend, and beautiful dog.
Jamie,
You're breaking my heart, girl! Nana Martha was beautiful, and your words of tribute were so touching. I could feel your love for her through your words.

The pain lessens over time, but never truly goes away. I lost my first OES in 1994, and to this day I still miss him and cry when I think about that last visit to the vet. And the quiet in the house after Buford died was deafening. Within a month, we had another OES rescue. Not to replace Buford - no dog ever could - but as a testament to the breed. Once you love an OES, you're hooked for life.

Grieve as much and for as long as you need to. I'm glad you found a support group to help you through. And know that you will know when it is time to bring another OES into your home and heart. Nana Martha will lead you there.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Been there, done that, and will do it again many times before it is my time to leave the earth.

Chris
Hi,Jamie,I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through.OES are very wonderful buddies.Just remember she is still w/ you,and she loves you so much for letting her go,you know and she knew it was time for her too leave this world,you should feel no guilt hun.

Now as for finding another sheepie,are you willing to maybe come to Wi,for a sheepie.I know of a lady who has OES right now.Im in Wi myself and know your about maybe 2hrs from me.She is asking 800.00 for one,actually I think I can get one for 400.00,but youd have to contact me.If your interested email me @
tanyathenurse@yahoo.com

Best wishes to you
Tanya,Mickey,Jagger,and Eddie
Jamie,

I started here the same way upon my loss of Ce-Ce back in September.

Never for a second feel guilty, as what you did was truly an act of love. It is never easy to say goodbye to a friend like your 'Nana-Martha'.

I hope that you will find the one that is lost, is not really lost but forever is a part of you.

Hope you get your puppy soon, and you will have the joy that is in this house, and all the trials and tribulations that go with the new puppy.
So sorry for your loss. Please find comfort in the forum and I hope to hear more about Nana-martha. Please don't feel guilty about wanting another sheepie. There's a big hole in your heart to fill. Take the time you need to grieve for her and even though it's tempting to get the first new sheepdog that you come across, please take time to make the decision so that your new addition is right for you.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It will be a month on Tuesday since I lost her. I've cried everynight since then. My heart still aches and the guilt is still there even tho everyone I've talked to including a petloss support group tells me I shouldn't be guilty. My mind just keep's running through her last night with me. Maybe I should have done something different instead of putting her to sleep, even tho the dr. said her lungs would always keep filling up with liquid with as many times as they could drain. But she also told me that they weren't sure if she could withstand a needle since she was 12 1/2. I'll always feel that I made a terrible mistake and it's probably selfish on my part that I wanted her with me as long as possible. At least my son has his dog and he still lives at home so I'm not completely dogless. It keeps my mind off of things until I go to sleep at night.
It is very easy to feel guilty. I went through the same thing when we lost our 13 y.o. last year. A lot of "what ifs" and why didn't I notice that kind of scenarios. You went with your gut feeling & you know your dog best. You didn't want her to suffer. Ultimately our dog died from pneumonia from aspirating vomit because his esphogas wasn't working right. What I understand from the vet is that once an older dog gets sick - it's very difficult for them to bounce back and they fall off of the "cliff" fast. I didn't want him to put our dog down either because he developed pneumonia in a matter of 12 hours. I kept saying "can't we wait to see if the antibotics will work?" but you could tell his breathing was failing and he probably would have died a few hours later by suffocating even if we didn't make that decision. Please don't beat yourself up. It's been a year now for us... we have a year old sheepdog that we love tremendously... but we will never forget Newman. Just remember the good memories that you had with her and what a great girl she was. That is what will get you through this. I cried everyday too for the longest time... I am crying now because tomorrow will be the 1 yr anniversary since he's been gone. Our sheepies are our children - even though each day gets better - you will never really completely stop grieving but I take comfort in knowing what a great dog he was, never to be replaced, always to be remembered.
Well it's been 2 months since my Nana-Martha has left me. Now I cry every other night. Out of all the dogs I've ever had I loved her the most. I'm still looking for an OES puppy but everytime I find one there either in a different state or about 4 hours away from me. What happened to all the breeders in Chicago that we're around when I got my Nana-Martha? I don't want a dog shipped to me on a plane. I want to SEE and see how the puppy interacts with me. I want to feel them, touch them, play with them and then pick. How can you pick a puppy by just looking at a picture? I would be deathly afraid of having a puppy shipped. What happens if he/she gets sick, what happens if something happens to the plane. I just would love to know where there are OES breeders in the Chicago-land area. I've even tried the Animal Cruelty Socity to adopt one but they don't have any OES's' either. I miss her terribly and I'm sorry I'm going on about this, but this is the only place I can really let it out hoping you'll all understand. It may sound really sick but the bottle that they gave me with her ashes in it sits on my nightstand with a picture of her next to it and before I go to bed at night I kiss the bottle. Is that sick? Is that normal? She's still in my prayers. She was the best dog and friend I ever had. :cry:
Hi,

I looked at this forum again because of your post and realized a few days ago it was the anniversary of the passing of my Shaggy. Thanks for that. Yes, you are normal as grieving is such an individual thing. Your Nana Martha was so much part of your life that like me the ashes are a part of them we can't bare to part with. Not yet, anyway.

It does get better and while we never forget them, one day we realize that pain is no longer in our hearts as it was before. We smile at their memory instead of crying. Nana Martha sounded like an incredible girl and while irreplaceable, I hope you find youself with a sheepie in your arms once again. Your home sounds like it's full of love.

Hugs to you
Marianne
Jaime,

What a lovely tribute to Nana-Martha. It is truly an act of kindness to relieve our pets of pain and help them the only way we can. It is never easy but a testament of the love we have for them. Please do not feel guilty, you acted out of love and I hope your pain eases. When your heart is ready another dog will be there for you, to make you laugh at all the silly things they do.

Holly
Hi Jamie,

What a wonderful tribute to your girl Nana-Martha. I have to quit reading these. It's been a little over 4 years since we lost wonderful little girl Meg'n, our 1st OES. It's right around 2 years since we lost her daughter Sarah. We have 5 of her off-spring going down the line and each is just wonderful but it's never quite the same as your first I guess. I won't ever be over her loss and it doesn't get any easier with time. You just look up and are thankful for those times you had together and know she loves you and knows you choose what you thought best for her right or wrong and I'm sure it was the right thing to do. You try and forgive yourself for the mistakes you may have made and we all have made them somehow, and go on living around the loss. I'll be buried with all of their ashes so they are with me if it actually makes a difference. I sure hope it does because they're the only thing that actually gives me true happiness along with my wife Diane.

Many on this forum have gone through or are going through what you are experiencing with the same depth of emotion. Posted or not I promise you that all of us have you in our hearts & thoughts.

Zach
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