Pun~ishment (HA HA)
Pun~ishment Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest: 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it immediately sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He demanded that the good fathers close down, but they refused. He went back once again and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. The rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. And finally, 10. Then there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. |
|
|
| groan....
although im partial to #7 being a twin...that was kinda funny in a really bad sense!! |
|
| Ron will be in seventh heaven! |
| GROAN!! So Ron like!! |
| I laughed at about 8 of these. Thank you! |
Hint of Mischief wrote: I laughed at about 8 of these. Thank you!
yeah I laughed at about 8 of them too - twenty years ago! |
| 11) The Bell Ringer at Notre Dame passed away so they needed to hire a new Bell Ringer.
The groundskeeper interviewed many people for the job, but none seemed just right, until... a man applied -- who had no arms! He said he came from a long line of Bell Ringers and this would be the crowning achievement for his family. He was perfect for the job except, well, he had no arms. So the groundskeeper asked him: "How will you Ring the Bell?" The man said: "When the proper time comes to Ring the Bell, I time it just right. I start to run at the bell and hit it with my face and Ring the Bell." The groundskeeper was a bit surprised at this but shrugged his shoulders and said: "You've got the job, you can start tomorrow morning." The next morning the man showed up to work at the proper time and went up to the belfry and mapped out and measured his exact route for Ringing the Bell. When the moment came he raced towards the bell and just as he launched himself at it, a gust of wind came up and moved the bell and the man plummeted to his death in the square below. A crowd gathered and a villager asked: "Who is it?" The groundskeeper, just arriving said: "I don't know his name, but his face Rings a Bell." 12) The new Bell Ringer at Notre Dame passed away so they needed to hire another new Bell Ringer. The groundskeeper interviewed many people for the job, but none seemed just right, until... another man applied -- who also had no arms! He said that he was the first Bell Ringer's brother and that it was his familial duty to Ring the Bell for Notre Dame in honor of his brother's sacrifice. Of course was he was perfect for the job except, well, he had no arms. So the groundskeeper asked him: "How will you Ring the Bell?" The man said: "The same way as my brother. When the proper time comes to Ring the Bell, I time it just right. I start to run at the bell and hit it with my face and Ring the Bell." The groundskeeper was less than surprised at this and shrugged his shoulders and said: "You've got the job, you can start tomorrow morning." The next morning the man showed up to work at the proper time and went up to the belfry and mapped out and measured his exact route for Ringing the Bell. When the moment came he raced towards the bell and just as he launched himself at it, a gust of wind came up and moved the bell and the man plummeted to his death in the square below. A crowd gathered and a villager asked: "Who is it?" The groundskeeper, just arriving said: "I don't know his name, but he's a dead Ringer for his brother." |
| Me and my husband are laughing out loud . . . |
ROTFL.....
 |
| |
| You guys cracked me up!! Very punny!
Thanks to you both I haven't stopped laughing all evening! Marianne |
Didn't find exactly what you're looking for? Search again here:
Custom Search
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|