Talking a Friend out of a Puppy purchase
I'm afraid I botched it terribly.  While I'm all for her getting a puppy, I wanted her to go about it the "right" way. She's fallen prey to the designer mutt craze. Some people have decided to breed a Maltese and a Shih Tzu together and called it a MaltaTzu.  
I asked her what it was about this dog that she liked and she told me he was cute and she like his disposition. So I said "How do you know what kind of disposition this dog will have? How many generations of these have they bred? What kind of genetic health tests have been done on the parents or grandparents? How do you know you're not getting the worst of these two breeds?" I told her I understand she's seen this adorable puppy and now she wants it so badly she can't stand herself. I get that. It's an emotion driven purchase. That's exactly what they prey on. She said she didn't know the answers to any of those questions, but she supposed she should ask them. I asked her to please not rush into anything, just take a deep breath and think it through. I offered to do the research on both breeds to help her make a decision. She was at work when we were talking and she said, abruptly, I'll have to call you back. She was supposed to go see the puppy last night. I've not heard back from her yet. 
I did call and leave her a message late yesterday afternoon apologizing if I offended her. I told her I was just trying to help. I've just seen so many people who were heart broken because they fell in love with puppies under similar circumstances, then ended up spending thousands of dollars on what turned out to be unhealthy dogs. I was just trying to save her the heartbreak.
So, I'm just wondering, what do you say? I'm afraid my statement of "you're buying a high-priced mutt" probably wasn't the best thing I could've come up with. I could've/should've worded it better. I'm not normally so tactless, my passion got the better of me, I'm afraid.
What would you do??  |
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Beaureguard's Mom wrote: One of my nearest & dearest friends has decided she wants a puppy.
So, I'm just wondering, what do you say? I'm afraid my statement of "you're buying a high-priced mutt" probably wasn't the best thing I could've come up with. I could've/should've worded it better. I'm not normally so tactless, my passion got the better of me, I'm afraid. What would you do?? LOL - Tammy! That one really cracked me up! But, if she really is a close freind, I would have said the exact same thing. Your friend really isn't thinking, and people who aren't into dogs really don't know to ask the questions. Even if this were a purebred dog, not a "designer" dog. She wouldn't even see what you are talking about unless she has a working knowledge of genetics in general. I would call her back, and plan a visit - over coffee or something relaxed. It is better to talk face to face. Good luck.  But trust me, if it were a good friend, I would have said the exact same thing.  |
| This is one that I can't help you with. It seems like everytime someone says this to me I come off as a total jerk. When you're passionate about something tact seems to go out the window! |
| Tammy--- I'm with you...
I have told my friends basically the same thing IF they call and ask my opinion....I figure it like this...By calling me they know I will give them a truthful, honest answer ---- Actually, one of my close friends wanted a sheepie after seeing Heart...I told her that it would not be a wise choice since she works all day and isn't home much at night----she doesn't have time for the 3 dogs she has now. After explaining about how much I have to groom..and train...and nuture....she realized a sheepie was not for her!!! (thank DoG!!!) |
| Yeah, my tact gene disappears when it comes to buying from commercial breeder or BYBs. I do try, but I'm not very successful.
I almost got into with a guy in PetsMart on Sunday who had two very young (under six weeks) Siberian Husky puppies in there with him. Apparently, he's a "breeder" and spends "lots" of money on his dogs so the $350 per puppy he charges doesn't make him any profit despite the fact that has two litters right now. Arrrgghhh!!!
She is a close friend, and I am sure she expected me to give her an honest answer. She's the same friend who wanted to breed her Aussie last summer because she thought it'd be nice for the kids to experience. I talked to her about rescue and how so many dogs end up there because of folks breeding for just such reasons. I suggested that she volunteer for the Aussie rescue program and when she & her kids had fostered and helped place as many dogs as are normally in a litter, let me know how she felt about breeding her bitch. (This I did present tactfully. ) She decided not to breed her. 
I'll give her a call later and suggest we have lunch tomorrow.  |
| I agree that the only thing I would have changed is the 'high priced mutt' statement and said it in a gentler way. although maybe not. Sometimes it takes a lot to get through to people, and using harsh terms might work better than sugar coating it.
I'm going through this with my parents right now (not the mix part, but the BYB part). I've told them everything I know to tell them why they shouldn't get a puppy from a BYB, but they can seem to separate BYB and nice people who really love their dogs who breed them. It's really frustrating, though. And I've pretty much given up on telling them more. They've asked the breeders some of the questions I've told them to (like hip and ear testing) (and, of course, the one mom hasn't been tested yet because you have to be 2--um, then don't breed her until then!) and they like all the answers they've gotten. Oh, and the breeder currently has 17 puppies (2 litters born a week apart). |
| You know what? I'm not sure saying it in any other way would be effective anyway. Getting your heart set on a puppy is emotional so logic sometimes goes out the window. Nothing short of a jolt will stop to make her think and, even then, she may even try to rationalize it. We've all been in her place at one time or another in our lives, maybe not with a dog but another similar situation where we think of our feelings more than the reality of it all. The only thing you can do is educate her and hope that it sinks in for next time. Arguing or lecturing will only make it worse.
It's tough, because it makes you nuts. The one thing I'm wondering though, is that you mentioned that she's one of your nearest and dearest friends. If that's the case, it seems odd to me that she wouldn't want to involve you (someone whose life is so heavily devoted to dogs) to assist her in making a choice rather than going off on her own first and just picking. Do you think, deep down, she knows very well that it isn't a good decision and she didn't want you to point it out to her? Just a thought... |
| Well, that's a very good point that I did consider, Jill, especially after I talked her out of breeding her Aussie last summer. I think perhaps she already knew what I'd say and didn't want to hear it. |
| Jill, you took the words right out of my mouth.
Tammy, I'm sure this friend didn't tell you about the puppy beforehand because she had already made a decision that she knew you wouldn't agree with. What's odd to me is that she called you for moral support when her hubby thought getting the dog wasn't a good idea. I wonder what made her think that you would support her? I have two close friends who told me about their dogs AFTER they brought them home. They both knew I would tell it to 'em straight, and neither one wanted to hear it. That's fine. I brought over treats and toys and hearty congratulations, and kept my thoughts to myself.
Laurie and Oscar |
Well, if someone asks your opinion they shouldn't get angry when you give it  . I only hope she realizes the potential for disaster if she goes ahead despite your best efforts and realizes too late you had her best interest at heart. |
| Just be open and honest with her tammy, wether she likes to hear your opinion or not. Give her your views on a designer mutt and tell her that health wise there is possible problems there with both breeds and what they carry could crop up in the cross pupper.
My mum brought a pom/shihtzu cross and he turned out to have so many problems, bad bite/teeth, front legs turn east and west, and his temperament is awfull. She wished she listened to me at the time, she paid top dollar for basically a mutt and even though he is 8 now and well loved by her, he has cost her a fortune over the years. YOU LIVE AND LEARN, my mum has
So give your honest opinion and if they don't listen then so be it. |
| Tammy, as we have seen here on the forum, when people come to "ask your opinion" that ususally means they have made up their mind and are really looking for your support. All you can do is share your knowledge and then let her make the decision.
Odds are you aren't going to change her mind, so if she is a good friend I would just share what you know and then leave it at that. |
| When folks want to buy from pet stores or over the internet I usually lay the huge guilt trip about the puppy's poor mom and dad. The best forum signature I ever saw against puppy mills was a tiny scrawny sick poodle and the statement was "Please stop buying my puppies. They are killing me"...
As for the backyard breeders I ususally try to get the list of health issues the two breeds have and point out how expensive treating one or them would be...Also how irresponsible the "breeders" are being who might be flooding the area with flawed puppies from thier flawed dogs. And for people who are money-minded, I point out how much money the "breeders" make by ripping people off. Most folks hate the thought of being taken advantage of. Showing them how a healthy Champion bred pure-bred puppy is often less expensive can help hit home, too. |
Bosley's mom wrote: Showing them how a healthy Champion bred pure-bred puppy is often less expensive can help hit home, too.
You'd think it would, but I think until they get a sick dog themselves, they're going to think that it's not going to happen to me. Like with my fam, they've been told (by me!) about all the potential problems a less-than-well-bred OES could have, but are of the mind that theirs will be fine. |
| Yeah, I agree, Steph, it's like they have the "it won't happen to me" attitude and you can't convince them otherwise. |
Beaureguard's Mom wrote: Yeah, I agree, Steph, it's like they have the "it won't happen to me" attitude and you can't convince them otherwise. This is why I want to encourage people to come post about their experiences buying puppies over the 'net... Maybe enough of these testimonies will sway someone.
Probably not. But I can dream, can't I? |
| No, when they've made up their minds, nothing you can say with dissuade them.
She bought the puppy. I guess I should be happy for the puppy. He got a good home. He'll be loved & spoiled and well cared for. |
Ron wrote: Beaureguard's Mom wrote: Yeah, I agree, Steph, it's like they have the "it won't happen to me" attitude and you can't convince them otherwise. This is why I want to encourage people to come post about their experiences buying puppies over the 'net... Maybe enough of these testimonies will sway someone.Probably not. But I can dream, can't I? I don't think it would sway most people. Some, yes. But I think people will still say, I'm so sorry for those people that they had a bad experience, but I'm sure mine will be fine. And it's not just buying puppies over the internet...my parents wanted to get a puppy from a local breeder so they could meet the parents and the dogs, etc. in person. |
| i didnt want to post anything because my next door neighbor did the same thing with a bischon/poodle mix....except she went one step further and bought the dog at a pet store for $700.00...
there was no talking her out of it, even though i gave every reason NOT to.... they are going to do what they want....Chica is actually healthy and happy now.....but geeze.... |
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