Death and dying
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| I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. We are going through some of the same things with my Grandma- and in a sense my FIL as well. My heart goes out to you, and I will say a prayer for strength and comfort for you and your family.
Take care, Lori |
| I am a firm believer in respecting the wishes of the aged. I also believe that they are often, to some degree, in control of their living and dying. Just as people can summon the will to live just a "little bit longer" they can also use their will to hasten that process.
What a wonderful life he has had to live to be ninty. If he feels that it is time for that life to end, I would do all you can to make sure that he is comfortable and that his wishes are respected. I do not believe in euthanasia or assisting someone to die. But when someone say enough is enough as far as medical treatment and care I believe it is our moral obligation to respect that. It sounds as if your FIL is following the normal progession of dying and since he seems to be ready for that to happen and as hard as it is for those who love him I would support his choices and decisions. |
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| I'm sorry to hear this, but completely understand. My uncle did the same. Sorry your FIL selected the Holidays, but in some perverse way it may be his way of making sure you remember him. Instead of mourning this passing of one relative and apparently soon two, honor them, remember their lives during this time. I didn't say it would be easy......but it would be a way to heal. |
| You had mentioned this before, when I was telling about my stepmother. I'm so sorry for your family, but not for your FIL. He's had a great, long life, and has had dignity and the choice of when he wants to start his journey. Let him know how much he is loved. And then hug each other. Christmas may be a special way to remember your loved ones that have passed at this time. Hugs to you....and remember, we are all here for you. |
| Pam, that is too bad about your FIL. On top of your dad dying during this time of year too.
I do agree with supporting his wishes for no feeding tube. He is tired, and ready to go. It is so much harder on the family though. A coworker told me she hates Thanksgiving - as we both were working over Thanksgiving this year. I asked her why? - and she said because her mom died on Thanksgiving - 20 years ago. I felt bad for her, and wished I had something better to tell her than I'm sorry. I have also lost my dad and my MIL, but not on a holiday. I am sure her mom (who died of cancer) NEVER would have wanted to spoil her daughter's enjoyment of a holiday. Any ideas to help? Perhaps a celebration of life- like getting together and telling stories of the good times, and funny stories of life with that person? Including a tribute to that person as part of the new tradition? |
| Sometimes we are granted a gift that we quickly refuse to accept. It's the gift of "saying goodbye" to someone we love.
It's a difficult thing to do, but the blessing you receive is awesome!!! It gives you such a peaceful feeling when they do die, one that can't be described. Saying goodbye allows them the freedom to let go, and gives you freedom from a long griefing process. I'm not saying that you won't mourn their loss, but you will mourn with a new spirit. You'll be free of the burden of carrying grief for perhaps years while you wait on the acceptance of their death to finally arrive, because as you say goodbye you are beginning to accept it at that time, instead of running from it like we so often try to do. I spent several hours with my grandma a couple times telling her goodbye, and it was the most peaceful I've ever felt after loosing someone I loved so much. We told her we knew she was ready, that everyone in the family that she was the closest to were already gone, and she'd soon be with them in Heaven. Although she couldn't speak, she acknowledged us by the movement of her eyes. You will never regret saying goodbye. We always wish we would've had time to do this or to tell them something. NOW is that time. I hope you take full advantage of it. God bless you and your family. Pam |
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